Transformative Safety
After years of repressing somatic trauma, a painful catalyst created the space necessary for healing.
The lack of safety I’ve experienced in this body started from a young age. When I was about three years old, someone who was tasked with caring for me pulled me aside and secretly told me, “You’re lucky that you were born into this family because if you had been born to another family, they would have already sold you because you’re pretty.” Mind you, I’d just learned the dynamic of money and how the things I enjoyed were being purchased for me. That was the first time I learned that my countenance might have an impact on how I was to be treated. For years, I wondered what I deserved to be told that, but in retrospect, the statement was overflowing with jealousy and resentment towards a child. That moment cemented within my consciousness a sense of unsafety based on how people may perceive me.
It has taken a lifetime for me to finally feel comfortable in this skin. I’ve always been more interested in my behavior and my energy's impact on the people with whom I interact. I didn’t focus on my appearance as much as I valued the experiences in my body. My outer aesthetic has always reflected my inner state of being. Of course, the positive feedback loop of looking good + feeling good has helped dictate my experience…
